At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
True strength comes from lack of pants
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
