recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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