my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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