i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
