1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
