Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize