i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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