butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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