God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
