Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
