he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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