i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
