I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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