everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
