i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
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