im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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