Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
