My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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