the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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