I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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