Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
