no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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