I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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