hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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