guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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