My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
