Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
this will be a night to untag.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
