Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
