whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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