All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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