Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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