Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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