I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
