he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
