im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
