I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
