I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
