Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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