yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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