i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
