Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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