you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
