if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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