i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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