Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
