You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
