you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
