Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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