Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
