weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
