I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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