mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
