and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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