he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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