what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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