I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
