Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
