New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
