peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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