i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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