one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
