So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
