Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
