WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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