Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
