you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
