He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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