based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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