It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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