I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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