I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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