That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I deserve this hangover.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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