dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
